


Afternoon Delight

by nanwashbrad



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Accidental Voyeurism, Humor, M/M, Sort Of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-15
Updated: 2018-05-15
Packaged: 2019-05-07 07:52:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14666643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nanwashbrad/pseuds/nanwashbrad
Summary: It was a perfectly normal day at Torchwood headquarters, but, of course, that's always how it starts.





	Afternoon Delight

“I'm just going to ask Jack about some improvements that we can make to the anti-weevil spray,” Gwen said one afternoon while the team was having lunch in the Hub.

“I wouldn't,” Owen advised through a mouthful of turkey sandwich.

“Why not?” Gwen paused at the foot of the steps.

“Ianto took a sandwich to Jack.”

“So? Ianto gave us all-”

“And he still hasn't come back out,” Tosh chimed in with a smirk.

“Ah,” Gwen smiled knowingly and returned to her chair.

They returned to their lunch, a silent agreement that they would let the matter rest, for now. A little bit of idle chat and a few tossed crisps later and it was completely forgotten. Until-

A loud moan of unmistakable pleasure broke over the P.A. and filled the whole Hub. Everyone froze as the noise echoed. After a beat, they looked toward Jack's office. The moan was followed by breathless gasps and the sticky smack of lips on skin.

“Are they serious with this?” Owen covered his ears with his hands and scowled irritably. “Lunch was almost an hour ago. Haven't they got things to do? Like their jobs?”

“They must have accidentally bumped something.” Tosh looked as though she didn't know whether to laugh or run.

“Jesus, Jack,” Ianto said between heavy pants. There was the wet slap of skin on skin. And grunts. Lots of grunts. 

“Where are the comms?” Gwen frantically searched for something, anything to make it stop, overturning a few paper baskets and causing extraordinary alien machinery to clatter to the ground in her haste. Tosh got up from her station to help, but that was primarily to save the tech.

Jack and Ianto carried on with their activities, completely oblivious to the commotion they were causing. Owen had his fingers stuffed in his ears, even as the noises elevated, making it a moot point. Gwen and Tosh periodically shouted at him to get off his lazy arse and help, but he ignored them.

Tosh lifted a comm in the air triumphantly, which at this point only served to amplify the obscene noises. She was about to disable it when Owen snatched it out of her hands.

“Owen!” Tosh and Gwen said simultaneously.

“What?” he said to Gwen and Tosh's incredulous faces as he strode back to his desk and placed the comm on it. “I want Ianto to approve a new bone saw, and he’s being an arse about it, so consider this leverage.” He turned the device over in his hands, examining it closely. “Now, I know there’s a way to record on this thing.”

“Owen,” Gwen said as she made for the comm, “we are not letting you use this to get a new saw. That's-”

There was an elevated moan that was nearly inhuman – though it still held tones of Jack's voice.

Ianto responded with a soft whine.

“Fuck,” Jack replied. “Do it. Come for me.”

“I . . .” Ianto panted heavily.

“You need more? How about-” there was a wet sucking sound, and the rest of the team was trying their best not to imagine what exactly had happened.

“Y-yes, yes, that's – _yes_ -”

“Still not enough?” There was no mistaking the dangerous tease in Jack's voice. Whatever was coming next was-

Ianto positively screamed with pleasure.

“Fuck, fuck, _fuck!”_ he cried and Jack’s answering chuckle was quickly choked off by a loud groan.

Merciful silence fell. No one dared disturb it. For a moment, it seemed the comm had turned itself off, then-

There was more panting, and a soft “ _oh, god_ ,” from Ianto and a hum of agreement from Jack. After that, it was mostly quiet, aside from the soft smack of tender kisses.

“Okay, it's over,” Gwen reached for the comm again and, again, Owen blocked her. “Really, Owen, they deserve their privacy.”

“What do you think they're going to do?” Owen scoffed, “Make plans to elope? If anything, they're going to go at it again, now just-”

“I take it you take back what you said about propriety?” Jack asked Ianto teasingly between kisses. 

Owen put a finger to his lips and settled back down to enjoy the rest of the show.

“Mmm, every word.”

“We should do this more often,” the sound of kissing, “every day,” more kissing, “right now.”

Ianto chuckled softly. “I'm sorry, Jack, but all of the pheromones in the world couldn't get me up again right after _that_.” Yet more kissing. “Besides, the rest of the team will be wondering . . .”

“They've figured it out by now,” Jack persisted. “They're not idiots. Well, not all the time anyways, and certainly not about this. Why do you think-"

“Shhh,” Ianto whispered urgently.

There was a short pause. “If you want me to shut up, you'll have to-”

“Jack, just be quiet for a second, please,” Ianto begged. There was a soft crack. Ianto had gotten off of . . . whatever surface he and Jack had just fucked on. “Can you hear . . . ?” he broke off and groaned.

Gwen and Tosh exchanged horrified glances. Gwen made another grab for the comm, which led to a silent wrestling match with Owen. Gwen was fighting hard, determined to power down the device before they all suffered mutual humiliation. Owen, however, was laughing his skinny ass off as he struggled to keep the device from Gwen.

“What is it?” Jack asked. Again, the sound of bare feet hitting the ground echoed through the Hub.

Gwen fought harder, and Owen, chortling infuriatingly at her efforts, wiggled away and lead her into a chase.

“I can hear us,” Ianto answered miserably.

“What do you-?”

“Look for a comm.”

“A comm?”

“A comm. I think you'll find one somewhere around here.” There was the whisper of fabric as Ianto got dressed.

Gwen gave up on her battle for the comm and resorted to shooting disgusted looks at Owen as he continued to laugh at their mortifying situation.

“I'm looking,” Jack said. There was the sound of rustling papers and fabric, “I don't . . . oh.”

“Yep.”

“Has that been-?”

“Probably.”

“Did it happen when we-?”

“I suppose.”

“So I should probably-”

“I would.”

There was a moment's pause, then-

“I hope you enjoyed the show,” Jack's voice came clear and confident through the comm, “and thank you for listening to J. Harkness Radio, bringing you the sounds of hot sex . . . all night long.” There was a soft thump and an ow, then Jack continued, “I'd like to take a moment to thank our sponsor, Ianto Jones, for his impeccable promoting skills, and without whom this amazing or-”

Another thump. “Stop that,” Ianto hissed, “give me the comm.”

As sounds of Ianto wrestling Jack for the comm drifted through the Hub, Gwen, who had been hanging her head in shame moments before, snorted. In a few moments, the Hub was filled with laughter as Owen and Tosh joined in. Through the comm, they could hear Jack laughing as well. Ianto seemed to be the only one who wasn't enjoying himself.

“Jack, I swear to god, if you don't shut off that comm right now you'll get nothing for a week,” Ianto threatened between breaths. 

“A whole week without a blow job from you, _how_ will I live?” Jack taunted, still refusing to allow Ianto to stop the transmission. Ianto grunted and fabric rustled as the match continued. “Ooh, do that again. I like it when you get a little rough.”

The laughter increased in volume, nearly drowning out Ianto's response.

“Oh, you'll live alright,” Ianto countered, “but I'll make sure you'll live in pain. Remember that time I spent the week at my sister's, then when I came back I accidentally wore slacks that were slightly too small-”

“I still think you did that on purpose.”

“-and then I bent over in front of you and you-”

“Alright! Alright, I'm turning it off.” Jack grumbled. “You know, you're a real-”

The team never found out what Ianto was.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this many, many years ago and I can't even remember where, or if, I posted it. So if you have seen it somewhere else before I do apologize but I can't find the original post (if there ever was one).


End file.
